Reply to Partner (DH) who can't hack it AND is disrespectful

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Ugh, sorry you're getting the fully expected "poor guy" posts. People here love to blame OPs for whatever shortcomings the OPs talk about in their partners.

Can I ask, if a separation has been "years in the making" and you are not married -- so you don't have to go through a divorce process -- why haven't you split up with him yet? Is there a concern re: your child, finances, whether he'll pay child support, etc.? Is there an element of loving him on some levels so it's not as easy as just telling him it's over, and you're (understandably!) venting here but not quite ready to split? Are you waiting for the house sale to go through first so you and your child can move to the new house, but you plan to break up with him as soon as the house is a done deal? I ask because I"m not clear why you're still with him -- BUT we can't know how your child's attachment to him figures into this, or how your finances or your own feelings figure into it.

If you are concerned about the effect on your kid if you split, have you talked to a counselor about how to approach this with your child? Would your move to the new house create issues with your child re: school location, traveling between you and your ex if there's shared custody or visitation etc. --? I'm not clear if your child is yours or yours and his together.

You mention that you're buying the house with zero financial help from him, right? Do you plan for it to be 100 percent in your name only? If he can't see that that's a sign you are leaving, he's not paying attention. But I'd get some legal advice on whether he has any rights at all to your assets if you break up -- I don't know at all what the legal issues are  here or whether you'd be considered common law spouses but it's always worth checking with an experienced lawyer. In your shoes, I'd check with a lawyer, NOT ask partner for any $ or paperwork help on a new house (so he can't say he had anything to do with it) and get advice too on what the custody issues etc. could be, if your child is also his. And then I'd break up, timing based on any potential legalities with the house. [/quote]

There isn’t any such thing as “accidentally” becoming a common law spouse. This only exists in a few places and the criteria is really strict. [/quote]

Where did I say in that post that they were "accidentally" common law spouses? Nowhere. What an odd thing to pick up on and criticize.

We don't know where they live, what the laws are where they live, how long they've been together or whether they fit the criteria.

I only said that if they are indeed common law spouses, OP has to account for that if she decides to break up with him because it will possibly give him some rights she might not have considered yet. [/quote]

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