Reply to Can I divorce my husband over furniture?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He needs to see the difference. If he doesn't have a social life os doesn't see other people's houses, show him pictures of how normal adults live.

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OP here. When we go into other peoples homes, I am livid as I too would like to have a nice living arrangement. His mother and sister have beautifully decorated homes with designer items. I do not see how he acts like he grew up in a shed.[/quote]

NP. OP, you've had some solid answers given here but you have returned to reply to a post about other people's furniture. Please try to see the bigger issue as some here are urging you to do. Take your focus off the furniture issue, what you want, what others have. Yes it sucks but are you missing the real problem here?

Surely, surely this is not the [i]one and only area in which he is like this[/i]? Is it? If he has this visceral reaction to spending a dime on an end table, surely he also freaks at -- what else, OP?

Make yourself a list. You don't have to share it here and feed curiosity, but you do need to sit and assess for yourself whether furniture is REALLY the issue here. Does he carp about the grocery bill and insist on generic brands only? Does he "forbid" you to suggest going to restaurants because he thinks they're a waste of money? Does he know if you buy a new piece of clothing or shoes and does he freak out over that and berate you for it? Does he think that the money you have in the bank might disappear somehow and he's suspicious and leery about the money you do have? Does he irrationally fear losing his job, or you losing yours?

What else does he "forbid"? If you've read all the posts, you know that your language saying he "forbids" things is throwing red flags everywhere to everyone here. Several people have asked you HOW he "forbids" you but you haven't responded. If the word was hyperbole, that's one thing, but if it isn't -- what does his forbidding look like and why do you put up with it? What else does he forbid?

Someone suggested that she or he had a spouse who had fixated on spending, and it turned out spouse had terrible anxiety that needed treatment. Treatment ended the "you can't spend any money!" issues. Have you considered that? Is DH OK in other ways and focuses all his "forbidding" and money worries on furnishings alone, so maybe this is really about his needing a focus for possibly treatable anxiety? Do you still love him enough to step back from your anger about the furniture (and it's understandable anger, I get it!) and focus yourself instead on getting him to agree to an evaluation?

Maybe you're already thinking about all this -- if it's a manifestation of a mental condition, if he's truly controlling/forbidding which is abusive behavior, if he is this controlling about expenditures in other areas besides furniture. I hope you're already seeing the bigger picture beyond end tables and sofas. I think for me, job one would be considering whether this is a CHANGE from the person you used to know, and if it's a change, that is a sign he may be undergoing anxiety or other mental health issues that need fast and serious help. If you love the person under the money mania, I'd first see if there is a larger mental health issue at play here.

But meanwhile, the "forbidding" thing -- if it's truly his blocking you financially or physically -- would not stand.[/quote]

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