Reply to It is said that marriage is about compromise

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think our issues can be compromised on. It’s either “keep some kind of routine, and maybe should have started doing that 5 years ago.” Or “flop back and forth for years between being lazy, having fun, doing some work, getting mad at each other, panicking about life-deadlines and chaos because we DIDn’t set our kids up with any routine, wondering what happened to our time, or why your spouse is mad.”[/quote]

Basically DH can’t keep to routines for the kids sake. And, now we’re fighting uphill to set up some things in our house, like summertime and kids helping with cleaning, and doing less screens. We still try to implement those things, but we have no method besides just telling them.

In addition, DH feels like I can’t lead. And it’s true. The kids tune me out, my voice is quieter and more stressed out all the time. :(

So DH leads the way, but he doesn’t use my ideas. Fine, I get that he has skills that he can use. But, I’m the one who reads about parenting often, and who has kept up with a huge variety of ideas on communication, problem-solving. His way isn’t wrong, it’s his way. It’s just that my way is sometimes backed up by several, several writers and family researchers.[/quote]

Discipline is not about having a strong or loud voice. Your kids tune you out because let them, not because they can't hear you.

It takes a long time to get to a spot where kids do their chores without being reminded. Figure out what you want your kids to do, tell them what you want, and be clear about consequences. Then stand firm. If you want your kids to empty the dishwasher every day, then x doesn't happen until the dishwasher is empty. It doesn't take a strong voice. It takes discipline on your part and a willingness to impose consequences that kids find unpleasant. [/quote]

Try taking a parenting class together.  I like Parent Encouragement Program.   When you are in a class together and someone else is telling you what to do, you can discuss and be allies instead of opponents.

pepparent.org[/quote]

This, and get the whole family evaluated for ADHD, parents too.[/quote]

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