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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]it's clear from the MANY responses of other people taking pictures at funerals that is an incredibly common thing.  I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it also isn't weird or abnormal.

I understand you are still grieving, but you don't need to sit in a chair staring at this photo, it's a good opportunity to work on coping skills, your life needs to continue, you can't keep stewing in this.  If you haven't already bought it up to MIL, having your DH let them know you would like the picture put away for your visit should be fine.  But you can't expect them to tiptoe around this forever, life moves on, and you need to learn to appreciate the time you had with your mom, the support your ILs showed, and communicate rather than stew for months on end.[/quote]

NP. I think that it IS common to take photos at a funeral but the photos are of the people who are the primary grievers so to speak. This is a weird situation for a few reasons

1) The in-laws are really c/d list funeral attendees (I feel like this is kind of a crass way to describe it but truthfully, you should know where you rank in the importance scale when you go to a funeral and behave accordingly)
2) The photo they are taking is a photo that an a list funeral attendee has to see (ie, it would be different if her cousins took the picture because they were related to her mom and it would be a photo OP saw on a regular basis) and even had to witness the giving of. This is not just a photo tucked away on a shelf but like, a big primary photo gifted to multiple people and displayed in multiple homes of again, c/d list funeral attendees

So yes, taking family photos at a funeral is normal, but generally it is the family of the deceased taking the photo. I also think there is a difference in the type of funeral. My 17 year old brother died in an accident and let me tell you, there is not a single photo of that day. No one was taking a fam pic there. If OP's mom died in a way that was particularly hard for her, then her in laws, who should primarily have been thinking about OP in attending this funeral as they would have been there to support HER, then they should have been able to understand how that would not be ok.

Honestly OP, I think your reaction is a bit much, but I also understand it, and if your ILs love you enough to attend your mom's funeral, then they should be able to hear from their son, that this photo is really distressing for you, and remove it. I think he can make the request in a way that does not blame them for the existence of the photo, and that is his role in this. Let him take it on. [/quote]

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