Reply to What do you do with strong feelings of envy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My life, finances and career were basically ruined by a disastrous marriage. They will never recover.  I'm now middle aged and alone as a single parent. It is a life I dislike and never wanted. I am the pity of all my better-off (by orders of magnitude) friends and family who are all nice enough but clearly consider me a "there but for the grace of god" situation. My life is a constant humiliation and living it is painful. I work FT and get by but my kids lives are measurably worse than mine was growing up in every way. I envy everyone who had better marriages and consequently better adult lives. My early life was good and that is what I got in this world, my good fortune was frontloaded. I am now middle aged and it is over. I don't want to hurt my kids more but I recently found some peace by realizing that eventually my life will end and that if I want to, which I do, later on I can use some of my remaining $ to pay someone to make my death look like an accident. I have felt lighter since realizing this. [/quote]

You need to seek help. STAT. You are displaying signs of depression, which you may not realize.
Also, having a good childhood has likely been helpful for you in surviving your terrible marriage and divorce. You will come out better in the end. Have faith.[/quote]

Also, my depression is situation. I know what I wasn't and do not have and also know that it has not happened and will never happen. This is not something therapy can fix. It is similar to a terminal disease, or being infertile when you wanted children. My children are my only reason for living but alone I am not [b]giving them the life they deserve and should have had[/b].[/quote]

Again, I am going to insist that you see a therapist because you are not seeing things clearly. Your depression is clouding your judgment.
Children can be happy without the kind of exorbitant displays wealth we see on DCUM that pass as normal. Are you there for your kids? Do you live in a safe and reasonably clean home? Are your kids eating and do you have enough food? Do they go to school? Have medical and dental care? Do they have friends?  I also think that living in some neighborhoods in DC gives you a very, very skewed perspective of what kind of life kids "deserve." Kids that have the opportunity to travel and go to sleep away summer camp are highly privileged.[/quote]

If you can’t afford a therapist, medication for depression, under the care of a psychiatrist or even if necessary your primary doctor, can really lift your mood and be a life saver. Please ask you doctor about it. Also, does your ex provide any child support? [/quote]

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