Reply to What do you do with strong feelings of envy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m the same way. In my case, I’m pushing 40 and envious of young, beautiful women. It pisses me off because I know it’s our messed-up culture that values women only while they are young and discards them once they hit 30.

Nothing I’ve tried has stopped it, so instead I flaunt the things I do have. I have more money than them, so I buy nice things they can’t afford. I have children and they don’t, so I make a big deal of being a good, attentive mom. Many are dumb, so I make a show of being much smarter. I have a husband, so I pay extra attention to him in public. Once in awhile I’ll make a comment to put them in their place; for example, I was at a restaurant and a 23 year old waitress in booty shorts kept calling me “sweetie” and “honey”. Eventually I just looked at her, raised an eyebrow, and sarcastically said “sweetie? Really?”

I know it’s petty and that this is 100% on patriarchy and not on those girls. I guess to be fair, I also put men of all ages in their place, too.[/quote]

You sound awful, and I say that as a 40-something woman with a husband and a kid.

Also, if you can't see how flaunting money, education, your husband, and your kids is actually 100% in service to patriarchy and (I'm guess you're white) white supremacy, then you are nowhere near as clever as you think you are. You are basically bragging that you are better than other women because a man married you, you're fertile, and you have money. Gross, gross, gross.

OP, next time you feel envious, think of PP here and remind yourself "wow, at least I'm not like that."[/quote]

Never said I was a role model or that I’m 100% in the right. OP asked how handle with extreme envy, and this is what has worked for me. [/quote]

You are 100% a vile disgusting person and are setting a bad example for your children[/quote]

I had a similar response to this PP and it is very much rooted in having had someone like this in my past. She was envious of certain aspects of my life and decided to handle it the way PP describes, often going out of her way to draw comparisons between us in order to highlight how she had more or was better in that way. She also would identify things I felt self conscious about and go out of her way to point them out or make jokes about them. It was really disturbing -- basically schoolyard bullying. My only regret was taking longer than it should have to realize what was going on and get away from her.

OP and others who might be reading this, do NOT do this. Don't give into your bitter, vicious, competitive side. It might make you feel good in the short run, but in the long run you get what you give and this will come back on you. It did for the person I'm describing above, for instance.

You have to figure out how to deal with envy within yourself. Putting it on others doesn't solve whatever is going on inside you that is causing the envy. You're just spreading your misery around, making the world a worse place.[/quote]

I’ve never made comparisons or point out others’ flaws.

I’ve bought a nicer car, nicer clothes, nicer jewelry, go to an excellent hairstylist, pay attention to my husband and my kids while we’re in public instead of looking like a slob and hiding behind a screen. How awful. [b]Occasionally when a young woman tries to get more money out of me by acting cute and dumb I let her know she’s acting like an idiot. It’s a good lesson for her, she won’t get by on looks forever and waiting tables or making lattes isn’t cute once you’re 30.[/b]

Men do this kind of thing all the time and no one bats an eye.

[/quote]

Wait, are you still talking about waitresses? So when you have a pretty young waitress and she “acts cute” as part of her job, you call her out because you think she’s trying to milk you for a bigger tip? Which, if she is, makes sense since you are out there flaunting how rich you are.

Honestly you sound awful and I’m guessing the service staff you abuse sees through it pretty quick and laughs at the insecure, nightmare rich lady at Table 11  after you leave.[/quote]

100% they are laughing their asses off at the sad middle aged Karen who seems petty and pathetic [/quote]

DP. It’s funny that most of “the things she does have” and flaunts are flying over young women’s heads.

[quote]I have children and they don’t, so I make a big deal of being a good, attentive mom.[/quote]

20 yos don’t want kids. If the PP looks like such a good mother, the girl might think “I wish she were my mom.”

[quote]Many are dumb, so I make a show of being much smarter. [/quote]

If they’re dumb, they’ll just notice that she sounds like a “real adult.”

[quote]I have a husband, so I pay extra attention to him in public.[/quote]

Does he look like 40 yo Brad Pitt?

I can’t even. 😂😂😂[/quote]

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