Reply to What do you do with strong feelings of envy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]More exposure to the world in all its forms helps a lot. This is akin to life CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), where you learn to distinguish between reality and imagined fears/insecurities as a step towards controlling your emotional response. You just need to read newspapers (real ones, not Fox News) to realize how fortunate some of us have it. You know all the DCUM-poors? The ones whose HHI are $300K and they feel poor? They really do not have an accurate grasp of the data. They are misled by illusions of wealth around them. [/quote]

I laugh to myself (ok, sometimes out loud) when I see someone being arrogant or snobby, but they are basic - same logo purse as everyone else, same new car, same expensive shoes. So, the only thing about your husband that you blow is his money, and  that is supposed to impress me?   Get a life! [/quote]

This. Some of the stuff people are so impressed with themselves about are just basic, lame, something they copied off someone else. It's silly. The only things worth envying are things that require real effort and energy to get, and then I feel like my envy gets undercut by a fundamental understanding that the person earned whatever it is they have that I don't. Like if someone gets a PhD in a fascinating subject and then goes on to have an amazing career, I might envy that but I'll immediately think "well yeah but they had to go to school forever and write and defend a thesis and become an actual expert in their field, so.... I guess they deserve to have that career more than I do." It's just hard to sustain real envy of someone like that.

Sometimes I'll feel resentment of someone who has something cool that they didn't earn, but this isn't really envy. Like I know someone who married a guy who travels a lot for work, and she just travels with him and gets to go all over the world on his miles and stay in nice hotels and spend the days where he is working going to beaches or going shopping or whatever. This sounds AMAZING to me and I have definitely thought about how I wish I could do this. But I don't really envy her -- she's dull as rocks despite all this travel and her husband is a huge oaf and I feel like the opportunity is wasted on them. I wish I had that, but I don't actually want her life. So it doesn't eat me up. I'd still rather be me than this other person, even if she has access to something cool I'd also love to have.

Basically just reframing things. It's not about sitting around thinking about how grateful I am for my life (though I am, I am objectively fortunate in many ways) but reminding myself that just because someone has something I wish I had doesn't mean I actually wish I was that person, or that I'd be willing to do whatever they do to get the thing I want. It keeps me grounded in myself and my choices. [/quote]

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