Reply to DH pushing me to be closer with MIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I find it a sign of low intelligence in women who cannot fake a good relationship with their ILs.  For me it shows lack of social intelligence.

Unless they are drug abusing, sexual deviant pedophiles, violent cult members who are basically felons...who you must absolutely avoid...I think that any DIL can basically have a superficially warm relationship with any kind of ILs (if you are not permanently living with them),  which can be   polite, drama-free and appropriate.

DH and I, often go to visit my ILs, which is usually a 4-5 hour visit.  A lot of the visit goes in being busy and helping with food and clean-up.  I will go and ask each family member how they are doing and a lot of   "mmmhmmms", "oh dear", "that's great" kind of non-committal replies later I am done.  I refuse to take offence if they say something sort-of rude and usually laugh it off and deflect.  My ILs, who were at one time against my marriage to their son, love me now. DH is amazed that I can be so social and nice to them and an IL visit is not a source of stress for me.

In reality, my ILs do not want a deep emotional connection with me. They just want a normal social connection with me.  They want to have a deeper and closer relationship with the son and grandkids.  I let all of these things happen because I don't have to be a package deal with their son and grandkids.

Just behave like a good guest when you visit them, make small talks, help out, keep busy...there is hardly any time and energy left for taking offense.  Y'all can't do that?  How are you surviving in the work place or the neighborhood? [/quote]

You're very aggressive and rude to OP, and you need to understand that you can't hold everyone to your own lofty standards of socialization. OP seems to be have another type of intelligence - she's a litigation attorney, for goodness' sakes! Can't you understand that someone who has that job might not be the best person to make small talk and fake interest in someone who is actively trying to insert themselves in her marriage?

You've also internalize a lot of misogyny, if you're capable of writing: "I find it a sign of low intelligence in women who cannot fake a good relationship with their ILs." Every woman is different. Just because YOU are good at smoothing over communication problems doesn't mean it's the duty of all women. There are women doctors and women scientists and women lawyers and women CEOs who don't have time for that sh1t.
Get over yourself.

[/quote]

Thank you. Poster like the one above don't have a clue what many women deal with but yet she's an expert at judging other women. I tend to find women like her are experts at not helping anyone. [/quote]

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