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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, when your kids are with you, do you disengage from your marriage?  Asking because I have an old friend dealing with this very issue.  He went into the marriage with the very best intentions, but whenever her kids stay with them, he becomes invisible, and he's on the verge of ending it because the kids are there most of the time.  I honestly feel like their marriage could have been saved if she just carved out time for him and involved him in parenting the children.  Second marriages with children are impossibly hard for most people.  [/quote]

Yeah, my husband focuses on his teens almost completely when they are here. He won’t have sex with me when they are in the house. He says it does not feel right to have sex when they are in the house. This only works because they are at her house fifty percent of the time.

It’s different if they aren’t your biological kids, or kids you raised from when they are little. It’s not the same feeling when they are steps. I welcome the kids anytime, but It just creates a different atmosphere in the house. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells when they are in the house, trying to be nice and perfect, making sure I’m always dressed appropriately, etc. They can be loud, and if they were my kids, I could tell them to turn down their video games, but since they aren’t, I can’t. They do zero chores and leave dishes everywhere. If they were my kids, I’d say, “hey kids, help me clean up before you go back to your rooms!” after dinner. Since I’m the step, I can’t do that. So I have to bite my tongue and either live in a pigpen or clean up after them. Or try to get my husband to get them to clean up after themselves, which creates tension.

So I need those days off to relax and feel comfortable in my own house.[/quote]

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