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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here - my worry is that we don’t know who they will be at 18 or what they will be able to handle. I partied a little too much when I first went to college and then got my act together when I realized I needed the grades to get a good job. And examples like that are minor. I have 3 - who knows if one will struggle with drugs or drinking, with mental health issues that could be made worse with no purpose, with motivation issues etc etc.  Millions of dollars in cash with no carrots or sticks tied to it will make any of these problems worse and I’m not delusional to think I can somehow parent so perfectly that I will raise 3 perfect kids with no struggles in the transition to adulthood

DH and I also made a lot of money and their college, first cars and other needs will be met. They’re already starting adulthood on 3rd base but yes I want to make sure they’re motivated to see run home (bad analogy but you get the gist)

And yes they are mad  at us because we pushed back when they tried to move on our street, because we won’t let the 4yo stay with them the full summer, bc I get annoyed when they give the 4yo hundreds of dollars in cash telling him he doesn’t “have to do chores for quarters at home anymore because he can now buy anything he wants”.  The 4yo has adhd and a sensory processing disorder that causes behavioral problems, with the guidance of a neuropsych we have him in an evidence based program that involves earning toys and other rewards, so yes I push back at the 2x a month of average “surprise” presents they try to send him, and yes I push back on my fil telling my kids things like “you can have secrets with grandpa - we can have special things just between you and me” for many many reasons.  They’re wild [/quote]

Noooooooooo. Nooooooo. There are bigger problems here than just the money. The secrets thing, the going behind your back, the anger. Hate to say it, but you may need some legal help here. If any relative told my child "we have secrets between you and me" that would be the end. 
And, I don't want to start something new here, but this is grooming. Straight up. It's time to look into this. I found this to be very alarming. [/quote]

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