Reply to Soon to be 6 year old still struggling with potty training.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I have been waiting for you for years so I could finally be the person who says we were you but came out on the other side.

First, I’m sorry for all the people piling on saying this isn’t normal, as if you don’t know that! Of course you know, and peoples shocked judgement doesn’t help.  I was so embarrassed of my son’s issue that no one in our life knew. So who knows how “normal” this situation actually is?  My son wouldn’t poop on the toilet - only a pull up- until after 7. It was such a nightmare, and it was NOT for lack of trying. We tried every bribe, every technique, I read books, took him to therapy for over a year. I Made him sit on the toilet 20+ mins multiple times a day. We had many instances of “no more pull ups” and he would just stop pooping. Once he went 10 days. It took over our life and had me really spiraling. He is totaly developmentally normal.

Honestly, there is no magic bullet. You haven’t said what you have tried, so go ahead and try the basics if you haven’t - bribery etc. But after that, my son really turned the corner with the max dose of Miralax over an extended period of time.
We had done Miralax plenty of times before, but he was not constipated so it never seemed like the right thing. But continued Miralax and sitting 20+ mins a few times a day made his poop so loose that once when he was sitting, it basically Just came out and surprised us both. I made zero fuss, just taught him how to wipe, and within a week of that first time he was completely independent.

I am lucky that he didn’t have accidents, he just held it until after school or after a weekend at Grandma’s etc. The accidents make it even tougher and im really sorry you’re dealing with it.  My son didn’t have trouble with pee, but he wore pull ups to bed at night forever and they were wet every single morning.  After he was poop independent, within a month or so he was dry at night and didn’t need  a pull up at night either. Who knows if they’re related, but maybe if you can get poop under control with Miralax, the pee will come too. To me, the poop seems a bigger deal for Starting school. You can get special absorbent underwear for him to wear to K if there’s still a chance he may have a Pee accident.

Basically though, I just wanted to lend support. This is HARD and you have no idea unless you’ve been through it. I truly thought it would never end, but then one day it did. We were actively working on it for 4.5 YEARS! But he did ultimately basically outgrow it and now it’s a memory. He’s 9 now and a totally normal happy kid.  Eventually this will be you too. [/quote]

OP here:
Thank you so much for posting. While I totally understand this is not normal, duh, I also think it happens more than people admit. It’s just something no parent wants to talk about or admit to. I as a parent feel like a total failure. This overshadows all the great things he does and is great at. I try to keep it a total secret from anyone I can. A year ago he would come up to me in front of others and say he needed a diaper. I knew it was because he needed to poo but other parents would look at me in horror like I was some monster or he was very damaged. And immediately start in on all the things I needed to do. It was exhausting. Because I had already tried everything they said. He now knows he should be going in the toilet so he doesn’t advertise when he needs a diaper. So now it’s our deep dark secret I am so very ashamed of.

As for what we have tried.....everything. Bribes of candy, games, toys, special one on one time, movie ps, even trips to zoo or animal park. We have tried refusing diapers for days, stool softeners, even enemas which was beyond horrific. We have tried punishments of loosing toys, games, staying in his room, and even spanking. We have tried EVERYTHING. He says he is scared to poop in the potty. After the enema he did go in the potty because I held him there and he screamed the entire time. I actually think that pushed him further backwards. I have tried reasoning with him and tied taking all emotions out of it and just changing him with zero emotion. Nothing works. He just says he’s scared or doesn’t want to.

He is in underwear at night and during the day. The only time he is in a diaper is when he asks for one to poop. He immediately goes to the restroom, closes the door as he doesn’t like people to watch him go, then he comes back to me or his dad to be changed. Oh yea we have had him clean himself up for a couple weeks and while he did try to clean up he did a horrible job and it didn’t stop him from still asking for a diaper.  So for now we are back to taking the emotions out of it and just changing him.

I guess I came here hoping to find more parents who would admit they had been thru this before and maybe something that worked for there child. Unfortunately I just got more of what I’m used to. But I do understand, I would probably react the same way if I hadn’t been thru this myself. He is really excited about kindergarten and he knows this has to stop before he can go, so I’m hoping one day it will just stop. Oh and for those that asked why he didn’t start kindergarten last year. He would have been one of the youngest in his class and he is really small for his age and while academically he was ready he wasn’t socially and physically (potty training). After discussing with a couple teachers they felt it would be better to start at 6 and excel vs start young and struggle. Several of his peers are doing the same and waiting to start this year. [/quote]

Honestly, OP (this is the PP you quoted who had a son who had this problem) I would stop reading this thread.  There is no magic solution and people here are determined to misunderstand and blame.  The person who said they can't believe you clean him and it's not like he needs a deep clean, LOL.  That person has NO idea how little they know.  You would have to be committed to being an absolutely terrible parent to MAKE this happen.  I did potty training by the book just like all of my friends who have kids.  I didn't "baby him too much" or think it was cute when he wouldn't poop on the toilet.  I tried a hard line approach and when that made us all feel like shit and was taking a hit on his self esteem (your enema story broke my heart) I backed off to try to take a radical love approach.  NO APPROACH WORKED because it wasn't about me.  I literally remember saying to him over and over "I can't do this for you."  What the people on this thread don't understand is that you cannot do this for your son.  Nothing you did made it happen and there is little you can do to fix it overnight.

I would try to really commit to Miralax longterm and have him sit for 20+ mins multiple times a day.  I wish I had a better answer for you, but I want you to know that I thought we would never make it through and we did.  I felt like such a failure, and like I was failing my kid, but he's a totally normal happy 9 year old, and the whole ordeal is behind us.  You will get through it too!
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