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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My BF is retired at age 62. He wants me to move to NC to live with him. He has a pension and a great retiree lifestyle. I am 52 and in the prime of my career. I need to save as much money as I can to ensure a comfortable retirement. I don’t have kids— I am going to be alone in my very old age, assuming I’m lucky to live that long. BF wants me to get a less stressful job so we can spend more time together. He told me if I keep my current job, things won’t work out between us. I like my job and it would be hard for me to find another one that is both less stressful and allows me to save what I’m saving currently. I’ve spent years building my career, but my BF means a great deal to me. [b]I don’t want to lose him, but I also feel put off by his request here, like he’s trying to make me fit into his life with no regard for my needs.[/b] I’m not sure what to do.[/quote]

You don’t have him to lose.

I think there are three different scenarios here:

1.  You have a committed relationship (ex. marriage or some equivalent) in which case you decide what works best for the couple and if someone has to sacrifice the other compensates. If you knew you could count on him and he was willing to support you in retirement, then it would be worth a discussion (eith the conclusion not predetermined) of what would work best for the couple unit. THIS IS NOT YOUR SITUATION.

2.  You do not have a firm commitment, but are free agents (even if you’ve been together a long time and are exclusive) and you have equally positive options, one of which would coincide with his choices. THIS IS NOT YOUR SITUATION.

3.  You do not have a firm commitment, but are free agents (even if you’ve been together a long time and are exclusive) and it’s every man or woman for themselves. THIS IS YOUR SITUATION. He’s made the choice that works best for himself (moving to North Carolina).  He’s also chosen that if you don’t move with him, and get a less stressful job, he’s not interested in maintaining the relationship.

A relationship takes two people to work. I speak from experience that one person cannot keep a relationship going by themselves. Right now, you’re trying to make things work as a couple, while he’s thinking as an individual who will allow you to be with him as long as it’s convenient for him. You do not have him to lose. [/quote]

New poster. The above is one  of the clearest, most direct posts I've ever seen on DCUM. OP, re-read the post above.

And if your BF truly cared about your future without him (as in -- if he were thinking ahead to what would be best for YOU after he dies first, which is likely), he would marry you to give you the legal other protections of being a spouse. He also would be willing to compromise now on where he lives, since he is the free agent re: work, and you are not. He would [i]want[/i] you to be happy and fulfilled, and your current job makes you happy and fulfilled. He is thinking only of the present and creating a lifestyle HE wants, not about YOUR future, OP. I'm sorry. [/quote]

This is very true. Listen to these people. Also, I'm sorry.[/quote]

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