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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not an unreasonable request, but also reasonable for you to say no. You sound like you don’t want to go, not enough to give up what you have, anyway. So that’s it.  No need to frame his request as unreasonable to give you permission to say no. I don’t blame him for not wanting to do a long distance thing and I don’t blame you for wanting to keep the job you like that pays what you need to secure your future.[/quote]

Agree with this.  [b]So many posters are painting this guy as some kind of villain when he's just saying what he wants and how he feels[/b].  He's probably right that it won't work out if you guys do long distance.  Nothing wrong with both of you deciding what you want isn't compatible with continuing a relationship.[/quote]

Not a villain, but utterly self-focused. He's showing no thought at all for the future of his girlfriend who is 10 years his junior, in a job she likes, at a peak period for her career, and who is likely to outlive him, leaving her there in the retirement spot he (not both of them together) chose.

OP says he isn't discussing this, he is handing her an ultimatum.

That's not the same as expressing "what he wants and how he feels" and then asking her what [i]she[/i] wants and feels. Not the same at all. He doesn't get a pass for being some kind of sensitive guy who's expressing his feelings; he's saying what his demand is (she gives up her job and moves to the place of his choosing) and what the consequence will be for her if she doesn't meet his demand. That's not the behavior of someone who feels truly concerned for the other person or who wants to find a compromise solution. That's an ultimatum.[/quote]

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