Reply to Did you/would you tell your child you used a donor egg?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the PP you quoted and I agree that a young child could blurt out this kind of information, but we believe the risks that she will tell someone and later regret the decision are much less than the risks if we were not to tell at all or if we were to delay telling until she is older.  With that said, I don't believe anyone in our extended family would view or treat our child differently upon learning that she was conceived with a donor egg.[/quote]

But she might also tell it to her teacher, friends in kindergarten and beyond... I also sort of disagree that it's solely DC secret to tell or not tell. It is your and your husband's secret as well.

I am not advocating telling or not telling - I really have no dog in this fight (will stop at children I already have rather than move to DE). I was just compelled to comment because I feel that there is a lot of pressure on parents to tell with medical records and destroyed relationships pointed out over and over again, while potential negatives are pretty much ignored.[/quote]

If this is your big concern, then I would just teach her the concepts of "private"--things we only discuss with Mommy and Daddy, vs. "public"--things we share indiscriminately.  Kids can master this at a surprisingly young age.  You could still reliably tell many kids by age 7 or 8, which is young enough for it to be part of their identity, rather than having it change their view of who they are.

For us, the driving question was how I felt about the worst-case scenario at either end:  Would I rather risk complete alienation from my child or complete alienation from my family, and I chose to tell my kid.  I wanted to be a mom more than I wanted to be a sister or a daughter.[/quote]

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