Reply to How to get over traveling spouse resentment?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "How to get over traveling spouse resentment?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is easily the nuttiest part of your narrative

[i]While I was on maternity leave with the twins with many health complications, DH’s co-worker convinced him (referral bonus) to leave his current job and move over to the new company. The new job required 25% travel. DH was hesitant but excited and I was fully against this as we were already struggling finding childcare and no had other help. Against my wishes he accepted the new position saying that with the raise we could hire more help and his mom would come more often while he’s away as it would only be a 2-3 days max. The position is global so he is rarely available to help during the week until 7:30pm then works late into the night. Travel has picked up and he’s gone about 2 weeks every month.[/i]

How did that conversation even play out?

"I'm really excited about a new job that pays slightly more!"

"I am fully against this." *one baby hanging off of each boob*

"Ok, cool. I hear you and I'm doing it anyways."

I know you're looking for ways to get over the resentment, but I don't think I could get over that, OP.

Hope you're able to find some calm!

[/quote]

OP here- I could cry thinking back on this..it's mostly how it went one baby hanging off each boob then a 30 min pump session after. At first he called and declined the offer...he knew it was a terrible idea. The next morning he said he slept it and after speaking to his co-worker he called back and accepted the offer. He said he would figure it all out to make it work. I was speechless then I went into a rage but here we are today. I lose so much sleep at night just going over this again and again full of resentment.
[/quote]

Even if tomorrow he started making big changes I would resent this for the rest of my life. My husband and I had a truly awful argument when our youngest was 1.5 where I basically told him I would divorce him if he took the job he wanted. We were struggling so so badly (one of my children has some special needs) and I really did not want to quit my job, which like yours was hard earned and part of my identity. He did not take the job but honestly I don’t think our relationship has ever recovered from the way he spoke about how important his career was to him and glossed over how badly I was already struggling and the unknowns for our SN child who was not yet fully diagnosed. I wish we had done some counseling or something, we have reached a new equilibrium but it is always there and I feel like I’m going to throw up every time he talks about a career move and I guess in some ways I’m lucky because he didn’t take the job.

I am not going to give you advice to just disappear because I could not do that unless I had more assurance my kids would be ok. You can try an ultimatum or you can go in to debt or stop saving for retirement or whatever it takes to hire more help. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics