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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, have you previously posted about the situation with your family?  If so, no need for another thread.  [/quote]
No idea if OP has posted before, but there’s no rule that someone can post about something only once. [/quote]

Yes, OP posted about this in December:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1021319.page[/quote]

There was A LOT of good advice given in response to OP's multiple prior posts. It does not seem like that is what OP is looking for, as OP does not acknowledge nor appreciate it.  One particular post that was very insightful was:

"Generally, there is no lawful obligation for one adult to provide, supply, manage or pay for care, goods and services for another adult.

With parents (depending on your beliefs) there may be a moral obligation to do these things, but that obligation must be weighed in context. A person is not obliged to ruin themselves, become a doormat, sign to voluntarily take on legal obligations they otherwise would not have. This is particularly true where the person who needs help has caused or substantially contributed to their condition, typically by rejecting timely suggestions and offers of more limited aid.

That being said, nobody has a right to an inheritance either, and if somebody wants to run their estate into the ground to maintain control over it they have the right to do that.

Waiting for the (typically inevitable) need for the person to be hospitalized and then need discharge planning, the PP’s suggestion to simply tell the discharge planner that you are not available personally or in terms of assets to contribute anything sounds cruel, and it can have a cruel impact. The question is whether that impact is the result of the non-helper’s decision or the cumulative decisions of the person in need. Typically, both are in play, but it is undeniably true that people frequently dig themselves into their own trouble. Dragging a second person down with them seems attractive, but in fact, a penurious person probably qualifies for government-funded health care and residential placement. It may not be all everybody would have wanted, but it will be something, and it leaves people who otherwise would be getting drowned in the tsunami free to try to help with extras where they can and to be a set of eyes on the caretakers.

This is dreadful stuff. Very often, the person one feels an obligation to is “no longer home.” Short term therapy and mutual support groups can help us see the reality of things and be more objective. There is no benefit in being angry at the needy person. You can’t be half in (for whatever your “share” of assets is) and half out (for caretaking). You can’t control other people. There is no benefit in destroying yourself trying to meet unreasonable demands or share responsibility with people who are not going to perform.

One of my parents was tired of the nursing home and hospitals. They wanted to come home and sit in their easy chair. It was this time of year. Their “plan” was completely unreasonable. They couldn’t walk, could barely stand up, we’re cycling between respiratory emergencies as their kidneys failed. There wasn’t time to get help on a moment’s notice, even if the money was there for anything but a brief respite, which it wasn’t. I promised I’d do what I could when I could. Instead, they rolled over and died that night with their best friend in the room with them. They probably wouldn’t have survived the trip home.

In situations like these, the goal is to be a lifeboat, not a rescue ship, hoping when the end comes to feel that we’ve done what we could, that what we didn’t do was not within our power, and that anybody (including the committee in our head) who says otherwise is ignorant at best and a malicious liar at worst.

Hope this helps. Good luck."

If OP just wants to vent, then vent away. That's fine. But OP just needs to be clear that they are not seeking input nor advice and just want to complain. It will prevent others from wasting their time providing thoughtful insight which is not what OP wants.

[/quote]

OP here. This was the last line of my original post:

[i]Just had to get this out.[/i]

Did you miss it?[/quote]

Did you miss it in your previous posts where several people gave you advice to get therapy as you do not seem to be managing this situation well?  That would be the best place to "get this out."  Seriously, OP, you are dancing on a knife edge psychologically and I sincerely hope you get professional help.  Your knee-jerk defensiveness and sarcasm are undoubtedly manifesting in other parts of your life both at work and at home. It cannot be pleasant way to live, for yourself and for those around you. Please ... go talk to someone. [/quote]

Doing that as well. Therapist agrees with me -offer but don’t expect takers.  Also said being pissed is normal. I’m being asked to ruin my own future to provide for their whims[/quote]

So don’t. [/quote]

I'm decidedly not. But I AM allowed to be pissed off because of it.[/quote]

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