Reply to If you lost weight for your spouse, did it help your marriage?

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Reply to "If you lost weight for your spouse, did it help your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I commend your partner for being honest with you.  It is most likely better for your health, isn't it?  40 pounds is not a little bit to lose, were you obese?  I think maybe he didn't frame it well.... you want to feel appreciated for all your great qualities- your successful career, as a good Mother, friend, etc. and you feel like he is instead focused only on this superficial physical quality.  Communication is so important in a relationship, have you tried talking to him about this and how you are feeling unappreciated for all the seemingly more important qualities you have? Losing weight and getting in shape takes time and effort, and if you are super busy with kids/home/career/community, it is an added burden to do it on a somewhat empty stomach and to exercise with already limited time.  Does he realize what he is asking of you?  Also, is this something you want for yourself, too, or is this entirely for him? Talk to him about all this so he sees your point of view before the resentment builds up too much and hurts your relationship.[/quote]

No.  I was never obese.  
I don’t think that he realized what he was asking initially, but he does now.  We now talk all of the time about how I feel unappreciated and my point of view on this.  It’s gotten to be such a big part of what we talk about.  I even find listening to myself annoying sometimes.  And yes, this is entirely for him.  
I wouldn’t say that the issue is that it’s difficult to live my life on an empty stomach.  My issue is more that whenever I’m alone and my mind wanders, I almost always find myself thinking about my weight or DH looking at other women and comparing them to me, and it makes me want to cry.  I used to have old memories of vacations or things I did in college or I would think about what I might want to do this summer or a book I recently read or what I might want for dinner or a sexy role play with DH.  Now I think about this.  I used to really like being with myself.  Now, I find myself so annoying.  I listen to a lot of podcasts and audiobooks and loud music now in order to drown myself out.

I think this is part of the reason our sex life has gotten so bad and why this is affecting my work and my relationship with my kids.  I don’t think about anything until I’m actually in the middle of doing it.  I don’t have “aha, shower moments” anymore.  This has been so consuming.

[/quote]

Jesus.   :roll:  This is 100% a YOU problem.  [/quote]

What’s a YOU problem?  
 [/quote]

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