Reply to Man I’m dating constantly rescues 21 yr old daughter

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm of two minds here.

One is that he probably doesn't want to spoil a 21 year old, but that he obviously can't go back and do less coddling when she was younger. If she has screaming tantrums over a book, she obviously has no coping skills to deal with her parents suddenly expecting her to be a young adult. So I can understand that this situation won't be changing, and wouldn't expect it to.

On the other hand, it's pretty unattractive that he was either too oblivious or too weak-willed to do a better job when she was younger and he could have helped her detach and launch. So being constantly reminded of his less appealing traits through this never-ending drama may make the relationship untenable.

I'm sure there's some nature mixed in with the nurture here, and bad parenting isn't completely to blame. She likely does have legitimate mental health struggles, which perpetuate the cycle of her parents not wanting to put too much on her. So you can try to have empathy in that regard. Women especially with mental health issues are often branded hysterical, spoiled brats.[/quote]

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