Reply to Our closest parent friends are becoming kind of intense parents. Anyone BTDT and have advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We've been good family friends with another neighborhood families since our DD's were infants (I met the other mom in a new mom group). Our kids get along great, we seem to have similar values, we have similar resources (in terms of incomes and family help) and get along well. We do lots of playdates, trade babysitting at times, and even travel together occasionally. Our kids are at the same ES (kindergarten).

In the last year, I've noticed that they are moving to a more intense type of parenting. Just more stress around activities and things like screen time or diet. Don't get me wrong, those are all things we care about (like I said, we have similar values). But our parenting style is less intense. For instance, we do want our kid in arts or enrichment activities, but we tend to default to programs through the school or that are easy or convenient for us. We figure at this age, that's more important than being in the best program in the city. And with stuff like screen time and diet, we have our house rules and we enforce them, but we are not that bothered if our school uses screens as a teaching tool (as long as it's just a little bit) or if our kid gets the occasional movie at aftercare. We are okay if our kid goes through a long "no vegetables" phase if her diet is otherwise good. Etc.

Increasingly, though, the other family is just not okay with this stuff. They are talking about moving to private if our school doesn't eliminate screen use through 3rd grade, for instance. They are very intense about activities and constantly looking for better programs or "the best" programs. They are militant about healthy foods to a degree that sometimes makes it stressful to get together with them (I have been feeling so judged lately because our kid doesn't eat salad!). When we hang out, it feels like the conversation is 90% about the kids and how to maximize opportunities for them, and 10% other topics.

We don't want to lose them as friends, especially because our kids get along so well and it's so rare to have nearby parent/family friends like this. But this shift has started to stress me out a bit and I find myself enjoying our playdates and family days so much less than I used to. We were originally going to travel together for spring break this year, but we decided back during the planning phase to do a staycation to save money instead, and as it approaches I realized I'm incredibly relieved not to be spending the week with them.

Sorry I wrote so much! Basically, I'm wondering if this family friendship is doomed or if there are things we can do to preserve it even if our parenting approaches are starting to diverge. I don't want to lose them as friends but I can also already see how this is going to be an issue going forward. How do you navigate this? We have plenty of other parent friends but definitely value these specific friends. Advice please![/quote]

I think it really comes down to how they are talking about this. If they are actually saying judgemental things or talking about how bad your kids diet is, that wouldn’t fly with me. Or talking about how screens are terrible or causing a scene over food/demonizing certain foods in your kids hearing range is more than just having different values. If they just don’t do screens and their kids eat great, well good for them. I kind of want to cut back on screens myself. But I have a kid with an eating disorder and a family member who really really struggled in the past so I don’t want my kids hearing a lot negative comments about food.[/quote]

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