Reply to My mom is dead. My two best friends have theirs

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Reply to "My mom is dead. My two best friends have theirs"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]You misunderstand. I am not telling PP to be grateful for what she had. I'm suggesting that her resentment towards her friends is misplaced and will not help her process her grief. The issue is not that they have something she doesn't (unless they have the exact same relationship with their mothers that OP had with hers, which is impossible to know and unlikely), but simply that she has lost something very meaningful to her. My suggestion is to focus on her own loss and not compare herself to her friends.

There is a tendency when you lose a parent to view every person who hasn't lost a parent as more fortunate than you. This is simply false. So many parents are terrible, and there are so many fraught and burdensome parent-child relationships in the world. Thinking of the world this way (as divided between people with living, loving mothers and people without) overlooks the fact that many people with living mothers grieve the fact that they don't have loving (or mentally stable, or emotionally mature, or sober, etc.) mother every day, perhaps even including OP's friend. There is no cornering the market on pain or grief.

Thus it is better to avoid the comparison and simply think only of what you have or what you have lost. You don't have to be happy or grateful for it -- you can be angry, sad, bitter, whatever feeling comes to you. But inward focus will help you feel and process those feelings, and outward focus will not. It's a distraction.[/quote][/quote]

+1. I don't think you are overthinking PP.

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