Reply to Having a hard time coping with being cut out of my sibling's life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm so sorry, OP. I haven't lived through a similar experience, not having any siblings, but I would strongly urge you to stay in contact with the other relatives. If anything, it will greatly help them see you as a human being to be respected, and it will detract from your sibling's narrative of being the victim.

For example, my mother bad-mouthed me to everyone in the family years ago, and it's only because they knew me, and knew that I would never do all the things she accused me of doing, that they could see both sides, and not take hers. Cultivate relationships. It's all PR and damage control, if you want to look at it from that angle :-) Defend your side by showing up and being charming! Then people will say: "Oh, Sarah is delightful, and her kids are so grown up and well-behaved. I wonder what really happened between her and Jane. Makes me think Jane might have misconstrued some stuff..." that's always how it goes, OP. The side who shows up most usually wins.
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I have two cousins who are sisters who are estranged. The one is pretty quiet and reserved, and also lives a few hours away, so can’t come to many family events. The other is nearby, shows up for everything and clearly thinks of herself as delightful and charming. She likes to think of herself as someone who cultivates relationships and is a “connector” of people.

The thing is, the rest of the family is very aware that her delightful and charming exterior is just a cover for how unpleasant she can be to anyone who dares to disagree with her in anyway. A number of us have experienced her unpleasant behavior and are in complete sympathy with her sister who wants nothing to do with her.

So, the person who shows up might think she has won, but she actually hasn’t. 
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