Reply to If one parent has a big job, how is household divide?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've seen lots of big dual careers make it work but I think the trick is never doing an alternative so neither can get into the one-sided habit.  I think it'd be very very tough to dig yourself out now.  I'm sorry. [/quote]

If I go back to work, I think I would earn $100-200k. Dh earns $2m+. In order to earn that much, he is always on. I feel his focus is on work even when he is home. It is unlikely he would step up more if I went back to work. [/quote]

My unpopular opinion is that if he is bringing in that much, then he should not be expected to do many household chores. It really doesn't make sense from a cost benefit perspective. Would you prefer he take a less demanding job and earn less? His time at home should be spent on quality time with you and the kids. It is good that he will help with dinner and trash so kids see that.

And stop caring so much what your friends think. No one else knows what is best for your family other than you. Why do you want to go back to work? [/quote]

Doing everything OP does is, I guarantee you, more stressful than what her husband does, and perhaps more depressing. There are in fact studies about this. It’s not just about time spent on the contribution you make to the partnership. And actually, even if it was, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if OP worked more hours than her husband.

I’m in a similar situation to OP and my husband sees when I’m overwhelmed and stressed and so he has taken responsibility for a lot of things, like dinner and dishes twice a week, taking the kids on outings on weekends (including planning and logistics), making the kids do their laundry, and cleaning sheets and towels.

I will say that I think OP might have an issue where she insists on things being done her way, and has taken total ownership for everything, so it’s awkward for her husband to do things. If you feel micromanaged, you’re going to be much less likely to take ownership of something. [/quote]

I feel like you’re trying to troll - but no it’s not. I say that as someone that has done both the big job without kids, the big job with kids, and sah.  Full time child care can certainly have its stressful moments (when you’re exhausted and trying to not lose it on your kids, when you find out your kid is struggling in school)…but my conclusion is I just have kind of a running rate of stress.  When I worked it was directed at big work problems, now that I sah it gets directed day to day at domestic things (which school to pick, why isn’t my middle child getting any fruits and veggies, what is the weird rash on the baby) which are all things I need to solve but realistically shouldn’t generate the stress that a big client breathing down my neck should.  My conclusion for all of it is ultimately that I need to solve my running rate of stress issue - not that sah is way more stressful (that’s not to say it’s easy or all fun or anything else! It certainly has huge tough parts, but I would t say innate stress should be one for people with means to outsource a lot of the grind of cleaning and cooking etc that make it stressful just bc there aren’t enough minutes in the day sometimes)[/quote]

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