Reply to DH's sister wants to take a vacation with us but exclude her parents...wwyd?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. The cost is minuscule and not a factor. I just wanted to get a sense of if others would feel guilt about this and I guess most wouldn’t. DH at first wanted to go, but when I asked how would he explain it to his parents he said he didn’t know and didn’t think of that part. He agrees they will absolutely be hurt and now isn’t sure any more. He is the classic “golden child” and a people pleaser. SIL is constantly at odds with the in laws so I guess it bothers her less.

[b]I just keep thinking, if I asked two friends out to dinner, and they said no, but then afterward went without me, I would be very hurt. This feels like that to me.[/b] [/quote]

Let's say I asked Amy and Becky to go to dinner for Saturday night. They both say no. Later, I find out they went out together, without me, on Saturday night. This feels bad and possibly rude, unless Amy and Beckie had made their plan prior to my invitation. I would ask myself, would it have been so hard for them to include me too, since they knew I was free Saturday night? But maybe Amy and Becky wanted a night for just the two of them, and that's really none of my business.

Let's say I asked Amy and Becky to go to dinner on Saturday night, and later I find out they went out together, without me, on a different night. Here I have no right to be upset. It is NOT normal/healthy to decide your friends can't do anything without including you too.

So your situation is family, but it's basically the same. Being family doesn't give you more rights over other people's autonomy and leisure time. I think the grandparents are being unreasonable, and you're being unreasonable by being so accommodating of their unreasonable demands. The fact that you described your DH as a "golden child" suggests that his family has an unhealthy dynamic, and that you are aware of it. Sounds like you are all too ready to play into and defend the unhealthy dynamic, all while totally ignoring your DH's feelings/opinions.

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