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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I developed eating disorder and self harm in middle school. School counselor found out and my mother was enraged. Her response was “how could you do this to me!?” I didn’t get any professional help until years later at which time I had also developed a drinking and drug problem.

In reflection my mother had a really hard time with me not behaving or being the way she thought was right. Everything for her was good/bad, right/wrong, and when she felt I fell on the wrong side she used scorn, shame and blame to basically tear me down until I apologized. This predated the eating disorder but basically not responding by shaming. My mother also often compared me to my siblings and told them not to be bad like me. When my siblings behaved poorly it was always my fault and because of my influence.

This might seem obvious to most but I didn’t realize until much later how I developed an earring disorder as a way of coping with all that I felt was “bad” about me.

I still struggle with an internal critic that is full of self disgust and loathing.

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All of this was me, except for the part about siblings. I was an only child on the receiving end of all that emotional manipulation. I understand, and I cannot begin to tell you how much I feel for you. 
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