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[quote=Anonymous]NP.  I found that my partner packed the remainder of a box of condoms we used to take with him on a business trip.  Of course, he was cheating or intended to cheat.

It took me some time to unravel a series of behaviors by watching and waiting.  During the business trip, I searched our shared room very thoroughly and found some troubling things.  Then I searched my laptop (which I had allowed him to use) - the computer history, photos folders, any downloaded apps, etc.  After that I loaded a keylogger program so I could see everything he was doing online.   I also checked all our shared cards and bank accounts back for 2 years.  I looked at his detailed cell phone bill (both our phones were on one shared account).  When he returned I began tracking the car mileage and matching to compare where he said he’d gone.  And I started marking the alcohol bottles and counting my Rx pills.  When I could, I peeked at his cell phone messages and emails.

Whooo boy!  Did I see the Big Picture!  And did I also see the ease with which he lied to me! what a gaslighting master!

While all that was a lot of effort, and I (as you) would have been justified in ending the relationship immediately.  I investigated to find the bigger picture because we had 2 kids together, and I wanted to be more sure about what I was doing.

Investigating was painful, and required a lot of time and effort that maybe could have been better spent on myself.  If my daughter came to me with a similar situation today, I would just advise her to leave.  You can’t stay and have a relationship with someone who has shown themself to be untrustworthy.

OTOH, investigating also gave me time to visit lawyers and psychologists and plan the end of our relationship.

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