Reply to WWYD - my mother uses my house like a free hotel...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's a long story, and I don't want to give too much detail, but basically she has this appointment near my home that she goes to, stays at my house, and goes to another appointment (also near my house) the next day... Then she drives back to hear house (which is a couple of hours away)[/quote]

Can she schedule both appointments on the same day? One morning, one afternoon? Or find a dr closer to her? Is this temporary like physical therapy or permanent? Ask her to move the appointment so the last one is not Friday afternoon and then she won’t be there Saturday.

Regardless of the above you need to get better about boundaries. I don’t let anyone mess with my kids food. She can spoil them with attention. If she’s judgey about your house call her out on it. “Just because you say something hurtful with a smile that doesn’t make it any less hurtful.” Get boundaries. Get blunt. “If you keep saying things like that, I won’t want to welcome you into my home. In this home we’re kind to each other. If you’re going to continue talking to me that way you can get a hotel. I’m not putting up with this in my home anymore. So you have a choice to make.”[/quote]

Getting blunt is how I got my mom to dial down her habit of mean, mocking comments. This is the norm in the large family she grew up in, and the standard response to anyone who takes exception to the judgement and the teasing is, "you're too sensitive. you're too thin-skinned. toughen up". I just started getting off the phone if she started the mean comments. just gotta go, bye. i also usually make sure our phone calls are group calls with my sister once a week. that way, if she teases me, my sister or my dad will speak up. or i can. example, a video call i inadvertently held the phone for a moment so they could only see my neck. my mom said, "why are you showing us your wattles?" my sister said, "oh no mom, that's mean. my dad affirmed. but now, I don't want to show my neck on video calls, or anything about my house or person that could be criticized or judged or commented on. I also never ever tell her info. She will 100% share with her siblings after promising not to, who then share with their kids, suddenly it's as if I posted my not-good biopsy results on FB (as a recent example). Boundaries, even though it hurt her feelings.[/quote]

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