Reply to 2 or 3 year age gap- which is better for the KID?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I personally think the best age gap is 4-5 years, and never more than two kids. That way each kid gets to experience being the focus of their parents attention, there is minimal sibling rivalry, they have the benefit of a sibling while also being forced to develop independent social skills, you don’t have to pay for their college tuition simultaneously. Just my two cents.[/quote]

This is exactly what bred sibling rivalry in two families I know.   Kid 1 is four, used to individual attention (read: spoiling), and then gets shunted aside for the baby.  Teaching a kid to expect that level of individual attention just to take it away is mean.  [/quote]

Lol. Paying attention to a small child is not "spoiling". And no matter what age our eldest is, if you "shunt them aside" for a new baby, they will be hurt and likely lash out.

A four or five year old has generally started school, and is developing relationships with people outside immediate family and direct caregivers. That can help with the transition to big siblinghood, because it allows their day to day to stay mostly the same -- they go to school, come home and have quality family time. Yes, that family time now incorporates a new member, but if parents are careful about continuing to ensure 1:1 time with the older child and also encourage and support the older child in their new role as big sibling, that transition can feel exciting instead of threatening. Kids this age also often get additional attention at school when the new baby arrives ("Jenny has a new baby brother! That's so exciting!") which can help them see that the new baby augments their lives instead of taking something away.

A younger child often struggles with much bigger changes. If there is a SAHP or nanny, they will suddenly need to share their primary caregiver with a new sibling who has much more immediate needs. Even if they are in daycare, the dynamic changes because generally the new baby will start going to the same daycare. Their entire world shifts to accommodate this new person and they will more immediately see how the new baby constantly cuts their time with their caregivers down. It can lead very quickly to resentment even when parents are trying to avoid it, and if the resentment isn't addressed it can lead to behavioral issues with the yougner sibling. I see it constantly with kids who get a younger sibling at age 2 or 3. But if you wait a year or two, those kids mature a lot and flourish in PK or kindergarten, and their ability to handle being the "big sibling" grows exponentially.[/quote]

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