Reply to 9 year old sad about not having friends

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh also I wouldn't take the playdate stuff as a personal reflection on you or your daughter. People have been intense about Covid in some of my mom friend circles.[/quote]

This.  And plenty of families just aren’t into “play dates.” They have other (older) kids and Have after school sports and travel sports/activities and weekends and just don’t have the time or energy to do coordinated play dates.  Don’t let your daughter take this personally and don’t let her believe having friends means they must see each other after school at houses and on weekends.  It is perfectly fine to have friends you only see at school and sports.  She is 9.  It sounds like she does have friends at school and plays with kids on recess.  That is enough.  Her insecurities about what defines a friendship is likely coming from your expectations.[/quote]

I'm not sure if you read my post. She says she is sad because no one cares at recess and unless she asks if she can play, no one asks her to play. She does not have anyone who says "Hey X, you want to play?" and that hurts her feelings. She likes to lead, yet, she goes and asks these kids if she can play and follows their rules and their games and never has an opportunity to play something she wants to play. So, this is not because of any expectations from me. More than the playdates, she is sad that no one cares or asks her to play at recess. It is always her doing the asking and she is feeling lonely because she does not have a friend. [/quote]

So she has kids she plays with at recess and they are friendly with her.  That should be enough.  Her being put out that THEY didn’t ask HER to play seems petty.  She joins in and they accept her, play, have a good time. Tell that is fine, that is normal.  You can’t always be the leader of the group or the one everyone wants to play with.  Have her focus on joining in and being fun to play with.  Who initiates really doesn’t matter. If kids are sensing she is emotionally needy they wont want to play with her.  [/quote]

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