Reply to 9 year old sad about not having friends

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP how are her social skills? Is she aware of social norms and social queues? In full control of her behavior? Reasonably self-aware? If so, I wouldn't stress too much about it. Focus on after school activities.

Ease up on the social pressure. It's fine to not have school friends. Really. Instead of putting her in clubs with the sole purpose of finding friends, just let her explore her interests. She may connect with others and she may not, but she should feel confident in who she is.

If there is a deeper issue there and she really doesn't know how to interact socially, then explore therapy.[/quote]

+1 these are important questions. In my experience, kids who still struggle with making friends at 9 are usually considered "weird" or "off" by other kids. Tweens can be mean and cliquey. If I were OP, I would focus on getting her to fit in with her peers, including the way she dresses/talks/acts.[/quote]

I will look into this. From what I see, she dresses up decently. I'm not sure how she acts at school with other kids though. She said one kid called her weird behind her back and when someone snitched to her she approached the kid and told the kid it made her sad. She stood up for herself, but maybe girls that age don't like that? She was very confident in herself before and the teacher gives her a lot of responsibility in class from what she says. But some days when she starts feeling sad for herself, the confidence vanishes and she starts second guessing herself because of lack of friends. That is what is most concerning to me. I'm seeing my kid who was very confident now losing that confidence slowly.

She plays well with two of my friends kids, both a year and a half younger than her - they both live 2 hours away and so we meet maybe twice a year. She plays well with the neighbor's boys too.
No cousins her age though.
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