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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP.  I’m so sorry you are having to make this decision.  It’s never easy.  I work for hospice.  Start with her doctor.  Tell the doctor that you believe her pain and anxiety are not well-controlled, and ask about Hospice care. A doctor needs to affirm that the illness (dementia), assuming it follows a typical course,  is likely to result in death within six months.  That doesn’t mean the patient will die in six months.  Doctors recert as long as the patient does not improve. For a 90 year old, it shouldn’t be difficult to get.

Know this - Hospice absolutely will not hasten death.  They also won’t prolong it.  It’s all about palliative care - comfort care.  But never about speeding up the natural dying process.  We keep patients calm and comfortable and simply allow death to occur naturally. Having said that, hospice won’t force feedings or fluids.  No feeding tubes or IVs (with the rare exception).  No treatments for the Illness.  We just manage symptoms.  Some of my patients have been in our inpatient facility for over two years.  I have home hospice patients that I’ve been seeing for over a year.  When death is near, a patient’s body begins to shut down.  They are no longer hungry so they stop eating.  They are no longer thirsty so they stop drinking.  This is usually really hard on families because they assume their loved one is starving. [b] In reality, they are dying and the body has no need for food anymore.  [/b]

State laws and insurance vary.  A hospice social worker in your state can talk you through that.  I’m an interfaith hospice chaplain and am happy to answer any questions.  I know this is hard.  [/quote]

NP. This is really helpful to hear. Thank you for all you do. [/quote]

I would love if you'd do an AMA sometime. Are there any books about the end of life or hospice that you'd recommend, to help demystify?

And OP - I am so sorry you're going through this. It's so kind of you to try to help your parent be more comfortable and happy.[/quote]

When I get home, I’ll post some of the books I have that I really like.  I’ve had the honor of being present during many, many transitions. To me, death is very much like birth.  [/quote]

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