Reply to What’s fair—expectation vs reality when parents/ILs live far away?

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[quote=Anonymous]My ILs are in CA. We try to go every other year. Doesn’t always work out. My husband’s life has been directed by the congressional schedule for nearly 2 decades. And inevitably, if we plan a trip too close to a supposed recess, something happens that keeps them in session and the trip is FUBARed anyway. Then once we had to superimpose the school schedule on top of recesses, it all went to hell in a hand basket.

I’ve learned to never make promises of what we can or cannot do with travel in a year. In normal times they would make 1-2 trips here per year. I host thanksgiving. They’ve come 15 out of 18 years. I don’t host Christmas and we don’t travel for Christmas. We don’t really have a guest room and now with both of us working from home we can’t have people staying here at all as we spend most of our days just trying to dodge each other and find work space. Adding two more adults sitting here all day would be a disaster. So if they want to come now they’ll have to stay in a hotel. The answer would be the same for my parents. We have a blanket no guest policy at the moment.

We’ve also tried meeting somewhere for a visit, but that is fraught with so many things that I wish to never repeat the experience. And we’ve tried. My favorite was when they arrived first and took the master suite leaving us the room where the bed touched 3 walls when we had an 18 mo old who needed a pack n play set up. They were not paying. We ended up moving the bed to the living room and sleeping out there since the place opened onto a lake and my FIL was not cautious about latching the door so setting up the pack n play in the living room was not an option.[/quote]

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