Reply to Is this rude? Refusing gparents' gift

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[quote=Anonymous]I've posted on this before.  My brother and SIL have refused the gifts my parents give their children, to the point where one Christmas, they asked for all the receipts for all the presents, returned the gifts, and brought the money back and gave it to my mother (who doesn't need the money).  It has hurt my parents to the core -- my mother is multiply disabled and one of the few things she can still do is buy gifts for the children.  I realize that others here are perceiving this as a control issue; perhaps it is.  But I have to wonder if this amount of hostility and upset is worth alienating grandparents whose ability to be with your children is limited.

I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but part of the reason I am so sad about my brother and SIL is that my parents aren't going to be around forever and their grandkids' memories of their parents' relationship with the grandparents is (unfortunately) layered with passive/aggressive interactions around gifts.  (FWIW, my brother and SIL now allow the children to receive gifts but they are not allowed to take them out of my parents' house.) They have also subtly and blatantly (both ways) asked my parents to pay for things like tuition, gym classes, etc.,.  My parents don't want to do that:  my mother wants to have a gift she can wrap and that she can hear (barely) and see (somewhat) her grandchildren playing with.  Sometimes the gift isn't about the recipient at all -- it's about the giver. . . .
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