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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If your AP was mean to you at the end and broke up with you did it sour you on the whole affair?  Do you regret the entire thing and years wasted? We had a multi-year thing, but at the end he said horrible things to me and about me and cut off ties.  I’m married too if it matters. Did you get back out there or plan to divorce or just resigned to your marriage and no more?  [/quote]

OP, when you refer to "years wasted," did you have an expectation all along that he would eventually leave his wife for you? That would give more context to what you're asking.[/quote]

No. It started out online.  It was to have fun, not break up marriages, see where it goes.  I developed strong feelings over time.  I didn’t think he would leave his wife.  He always spoke highly of her, but since our thing lasted a long time I kept thinking maybe he was changing his mind.  I guess in the back of my mind I thought if I hung in there we might end up together.  But, looking back I now wonder if it meant anything which makes me feel kind of used.  Of course, now I’m 4-years older and wasn’t young to begin with so it’s harder to think about leaving my marriage.  I guess I thought it would be another fight, but we’d make up again. [/quote]

He only wanted some fun on the side.  It sounds like a midlife affair in a long marriage.  It sounds like his marriage improved (a lot of these things are circumstantial--sick parents, death of someone, identity crisis, etc.) and/or the stress of lying and betraying his wife got too much.  You probably also freaked him out by pushing for more and finally voicing your true wishes of having a 'real' relationship with him.  I agree that he likely tried to pull away non-confrontationally, contact you less, particularly if he was worried you would get upset and do something rash like out him to his wife.  He might have thought you were unstable.  The stress came crashing down and he let you know exactly what he thought of you the entire time.  He told you what you wanted to hear because he was playing a part and trying on a new persona for awhile.  That no longer served him and neither did you.

Did your husband ever find out about this affair?  That is a lot of time to lie and deceive him.[/quote]

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