Reply to s/o finding a half sibling placed in adoption

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "s/o finding a half sibling placed in adoption"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, putting your info on Ancestry is fine but understand there could be some collateral damage from that fact. My dad, who is into genealogy, convinced me to do Ancestry. I had no problem with that. Then a couple of years later, I had a weird match. Well...turns out my mother gave a baby up for adoption in the late 60s, before she met my father. My mother and father both knew this and were never going to tell me (an only child) until things showed up on Ancestry. (And yes, I guess they didn't think their plan through.)

I am in contact with my half-sister, who knew she was adopted and is a lovely person. My parents no longer speak of her or of what happened (swept back under the rug). But it all really threw me for a loop and it's taken a couple of years of therapy to work through the aftermath. Logically I can understand why they kept it from me, but emotionally it's been really hard. My trust and my relationship with them is not the same as before. I wonder what else they are not telling me. I get angry that, even if they waited to tell me when I was an adult, I could've known my sister for 20 years by now rather than 2. And finally I'm pissed that they dropped a bomb on me then left me to deal with it alone.

I just wanted to share my experience as an innocent party who was affected by all of this. I guess I could have not done the DNA but I had no reason to believe it would blow things up.[/quote]

You need better therapy, and quickly. Out of all the people that were affected by that situation, you were the least harmed. The absolute least. The 1960s was a different time- abortion was illegal in many states, and Catholic Charities had a good business going convincing young teen moms that they were sluts, they didn’t deserve their children, they should hand them over to better parents (particularly ones who could pay), and they should pretend it never happened. The trauma your mother likely experienced is beyond anything you could ever understand. Could you imagine being forced to hand over your own flesh and blood and being told to pretend it never happened? Your parents likely did the best they could with the shame and trauma they felt. Get your head out of your ass and learn to appreciate what you have before it’s too late. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics