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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you have some good advice here.  To summarize:

1) Mourn the fact that you don't have the parents you wish you did. That's a fact; don't feel guilty about it. You may have known this for a long time but it's more obvious now that you have your in-laws to compare them to.

2) Having said that, get over it and grow up. Your parents made you who you are. You may have moved beyond in education and profession, but they are still a big part of who you are. That is fine. They are not you and you are not they, but accept them for who they are, right now, and whatever they can/ want to give is great. So they'd rather watch the football game than visit your granddaughter. Big deal. They've earned the right to some peace and quiet. Your DD is probably a terror to be around much of the time, anyway.  :)

3) It sounds like you and DW both need to cut some apron strings. You both need to focus on your new family. You said that moving away is not an option, and maybe not even desired, but there is something to be said for being in a new city, forced to make new friends and not having so much immediate family (with accompanying baggage) around all the time. Don't rule it out completely, even if just for a short time.

4) Your wife may "hate" your parents, but she better not ever let them know that. You need to have a talk with her about her role in this. Your parents should not be forced to socialize with her parents if they don't want to. And yes, your wife does owe your parents the respect of visiting them from time to time, being nice, and making an effort.

Anything else you want to know?

[/quote]

OP here.  A few things to add.

2. Our daughter is actually very calm, well behaved.  She's not even a year old yet.
3. Just to further clarify, the ONLY family local my in-laws and my parents.  Everyone else, not local.  My family, overall, is not very close and many will agree and say my parents are to blame.  I have an older sister, she has a similar issue and doesn't care for my parents much but tolerates them.  
4. It's well known that my wife does not like them and that they do not like my wife, no secret.

On the early comment that I should have thicker skin and not worry about what people say. I should probably ellaborate that I'm not worried about what they say an opinions, it's the fall out.  For example, if I don't call my parents for 2 months (and they don't call me), my parents will tell my sister that I haven't contacted them and I'm keeping them from seeing their granddaughter.  My sister will then contact me and for whatever reason, be on their side saying that I should make a better effort in trying to have my parents in my granddaughters life and if I'm not interested in doing that, that maybe I should see my nephews (her children) either.

Point is - it's a very childish "game" and it almost seems like no matter what, I'm on the losing end of the stick and somebody will suffer, which while I don't care if that somebody is me - I just feel like it will always be one of the children in the situation.

Hopefully that makes sense.  It's quite complicated and really hard to lay everything out for a complete analysis in writing without missing other key points/events/actions.[/quote]

1) [b]Your child is still young. Your parents may warm up a bit when she is older and can interact more[/b]. My parents decided to be holiday and vacation parents- it was a bit of a bait and switch but it was hard to take at first, but then I learned to meet them where they are.

2) If your wife doesn’t like your parents, I can see why they do not want to come around more often. I would not want to be where I was not liked or loved and merely tolerated.

3) Call/facetime your parents once a week.  Make that a thing. Ask them about their interests and share yours. Don’t bean count the number of times they call you.  My parents rarely called- but I made sure I called them.  It helped with the communication.  If they need advanced notice on things, then that is easy to accommodate. Plan ahead.  As they aged, I called more frequently.

Also, I have noticed that mothers and daughters tend to be closer -some of it is societal. This is even a greater phenomenon in the early years of grandparenthood.

We all get what we get.  You are you because of your parents.  They do not sound like they were abusive or neglectful- just different from you. They deserve some respect and accommodation. [/quote]

One would hope that the child can interact more by now. I mean, this thread is seven years old so the kid should be nearing 8.[/quote]

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