Reply to “I request that you put on something sexy”

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "“I request that you put on something sexy”"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been seeing this guy for about 2.5 months. He’s been very attentive, open with his feelings, and overall really sweet but last night he threw me off. He called me and said he was going to call me on FaceTime because he hadn’t seen my face in a while and said, “oh and I request that you wear something sexy”. I paused and said, “what? you request” and he chuckled and confirmed with a yes. He then followed up and said if I didn’t want to I didn’t have to. I asked him if he would feel slighted if I didn’t (him feeling slighted or not had no bearing on my choice just curious to see his thought process). [b]He said part of the appeal isn’t the sexy clothes but “you doing what I asked you to do” and that he would feel a little slighted if I didn’t but would understand if I didn’t because it’s still so new. However, if we were in a LTR and I didn’t want to do it because I didn’t think I looked good that day or just didn’t feel like it (his examples) he would definitely feel slighted and turned off because, “if I ask you to do something small like this and you don’t then it makes me wonder what else won’t you do” *squinted his eyes and chuckled*. [/b]The last part I don’t think he meant sexually but in general.

We’re both local and although we have fooled around we haven’t slept together.

Im getting back on the market after a very LTR so I'm pretty guarded, but am I’m a little prudish and hypersensitive for thinking this really really off?
[/quote]

[b]Massive childhood issues here[/b]. Do not move forward, do not pass go.[/quote]

How so? Just asking out of curiosity.[/quote]

Equates love with control, specifically with having requests filled when asked 
Is running particular tests to find out how much you care for him — insecure attachment
Informing you he will feel slighted ups the ante, in a long term relationship this means sulks, tantrums, or other punishments 
Basically, it’s an overreaction to not getting what he wants. That shows that it’s not this specific thing he wants, but that he has a larger underlying need. Very likely nothing you or anyone does could ever fill that need, and he’s conscious of how much it bothers him that it’s unfilled but is projecting the deficiency on you — something would be wrong with you if you didn’t do it. Red flags everywhere.

A normal person might ask but would definitely take no for an answer without further conditions on when no is “allowable.” Having needs, even unfulfilled ones that linger on at the core of the self, is fine so long as you own it.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics