Reply to Divorce with kids - do you regret it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do not regret it, but I also do not regret trying very, very hard to save the marriage.  My conscience is clear and I can tell the children I really tried.  I am an ACOD and understand the difficulties it will pose for my kids throughout their lives, so I could never be cavalier about my own divorce.

I also do not regret that I waited until the kids were older and I had my ducks in a row financially.  With little kids it would be really, really hard, harder than my specific marriage was at the time.[/quote]

OP here -- I guess that's where I'm going with the question.  If divorce is in the cards, the balance of how much i'm willing to compromise on my happiness with what my kids need and can comprehend.  I hear of women who "wait until kids out of the house" -- but I don't know that I could sign up for that.  That said, like you, I have been and will continue to try very hard to save the marriage.  The problem is that is a two person job and I don't think my husband realizes we are circling the drain.[/quote]

Well, you know, everyone's situation is unique.  I definitely know people who stayed together until the kids were out of the house, and I think that can be a practical choice.  Then you're both free to move without regard to school districts and day-to-day custody-sharing logistics.

Some people just really don't want to miss out on time with their kids, other people don't mind or know they would get enough time.  Or they're waiting until at least one kid can handle their own school commute.  Don't underestimate the logistical questions when you're dealing solo with your kids and have to take them to two different schools.  Don't be over-optimistic about how long all of this stuff is going to take you, OP.  It's easy to say "I want a divorce."  It's not so easy to work it through the legal process, nor to prep your house to sell, actually sell it, and find a new home that you like.  It really just depends on your own situation, but in my experience it's a slow process.  You may not want to pull the trigger, in terms of telling the kids etc., until you and your STBX have these matters under control and teed up for resolution.  I've definitely known people who didn't think they could stand to wait for X amount of time, but it turned out to take that long, so they had to.[/quote]

Most people sell the house but not everyone does. In my situation one of us kept it and in two other divorces I know of. If you can handle the logistics aspects, it is really not that bad. It can be long (it took years for me to divorce but it was worth it...logistics was the hardest part...and covid did not help).[/quote]

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