Reply to DS Wants to Transfer, DH Pushing Back

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[quote=Anonymous]Perhaps I'm over-reacting, but does your husband have controlling tendencies?

I'm just seeing some, well, maybe not red flags, but yellow flags, in what you're saying.

He pushed his son (successfully!) to go to a school that wasn't a good fit for him, just because, essentially, DH liked Emory? Had some ego invested? Because it was best for [u]him[/u] (your DH) and he assumed, thus, that it was best for everyone?

He's now pushing him to stay, despite your son giving it a chance.

And when you say your son has a point, he says "you need to be a united front" - well, then why does that mean you have to be united around what DH thinks is best? Why can't you be united in encouraging your son to do what's best for him?

Plus holding the purse strings over a young adult's head when you're talking about two responsible decisions (Tufts vs. Emory) - I mean it's one thing if he wants to drop out and become a YouTube star and expects you to bankroll it, or if he wanted to get a degree in violin performance from the local community college, well, okay. But to hold the purse strings for college choice between two respectable options? That's over the top.

Assuming this is the case, you need to stand up for your son, and take whatever blowback you get from your husband. It's time to start standing up to him, and giving your son the chance to chart his own path. I would say that to DH, first - it's reasonable that he be given a chance to respond, and the opportunity to find some middle ground if the united front thing is a real concern of his. But stand firm. Your son is an adult. He can make his own choices, and you support him in that. You may want to talk to a therapist as you start this process, particularly if you've been bending to DH's desires as a general rule over the years. [/quote]

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