Reply to Is my DH being honest with me? Do I need to worry about him losing interest?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you for the replies. I'm sorry I was gone so long -- Mondays are very busy for me and I honestly had forgotten about this thread until now.

Lots to think about. I know I over-focus on appearance. This has always been true. I also really worry that I might have messed up my metabolism with my old dieting and unhealthy relationship with both diet and exercise.

Also, just to be clear: I already exercise and watch what I eat. I wouldn't say I'm aggressively trying to lose weight, but I'm not being totally unhealthy. The big issues are alcohol and takeout -- I'd have to cut them way down or eliminate them to lose weight, I think. But these are also things my DH loves sharing with me. [b]If I tried to reduce takeout or stopped having wine or beer with dinner, I think it would annoy him because then he would be having those things on his own.[/b] But obviously they don't impact him as much -- he's tall and the kind of guy who even if he did put on a little weight, you barely notice. Whereas I'm barely 5'2" and 10 lbs is very noticeable on me, 20 very obvious, and 30... well, I feel fat right now, basically. But I'm very active! I exercise almost daily, I walk everywhere, bike to work in the summer, etc. I think this is just kind of where my body is settling.

Basically I'm happy from a health perspective with my diet and exercise,[b] I know any changes could actually disrupt my relationship, [/b]but I still feel insecure about how I look to DH, and also how I look with him. I honestly feel like people might look at us and think "wow, how on earth did she get him?" He's tall with [b]great hair and a strong jaw, [/b]just a handsome middle-aged guy. I look dumpy. I put a lot of effort into my clothes and hair and makeup, but at the end of the day my body is just big, my face is a lot rounder than it used to be. I look heavy. I'm not at all the woman he married.

I'm in therapy, I know I have to work on this stuff. I just see him [b]drooling over certain actresses or models[/b] and I know what still turns him on, and I don't think it's me. I know he loves me and thinks I'm a good person and a good mom. But I think the spark is dying and I kind of don't blame him.[/quote]

OP, your posts aren’t that easy to follow.  On the one hand you say you are healthy and watch what you eat, but then you say you have alcohol and take out.  Then you say if you stopped consuming those things it would annoy your husband. Then you flip and say you’re happy with your diet and exercise and that any changes could disrupt your relationship.  What exactly does that mean, and is it a good thing or bad thing?  Because right now you don’t seem happy with your relationship. You said in your original post that your husband has been a source of support when you’ve had body issues.  Now you say you think he valued you more when you were smoking hot and now he’s drooling over models.  That doesn’t even sound like the same person.

If you can articulate what you want, then go with that. If losing weight and having more of that chiseled face look like your husband would make you feel better, then go for it.  If maintaining the status quo of take out and beer suits you better, then enjoy those things with him, embrace your healthy but larger self and move on.  If you are upset that your husband isn’t as supportive as he used to be, then try to communicate with him about that.  You need to identify what you want and be your own agent of change.  [/quote]

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