Reply to Is my DH being honest with me? Do I need to worry about him losing interest?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you for the replies. I'm sorry I was gone so long -- Mondays are very busy for me and I honestly had forgotten about this thread until now.

Lots to think about. I know I over-focus on appearance. This has always been true. I also really worry that I might have messed up my metabolism with my old dieting and unhealthy relationship with both diet and exercise.

Also, just to be clear: I already exercise and watch what I eat. I wouldn't say I'm aggressively trying to lose weight, but I'm not being totally unhealthy. The big issues are alcohol and takeout -- I'd have to cut them way down or eliminate them to lose weight, I think. But these are also things my DH loves sharing with me. If I tried to reduce takeout or stopped having wine or beer with dinner, I think it would annoy him because then he would be having those things on his own. But obviously they don't impact him as much -- he's tall and the kind of guy who even if he did put on a little weight, you barely notice. Whereas I'm barely 5'2" and 10 lbs is very noticeable on me, 20 very obvious, and 30... well, I feel fat right now, basically. But I'm very active! I exercise almost daily, I walk everywhere, bike to work in the summer, etc. I think this is just kind of where my body is settling.

Basically I'm happy from a health perspective with my diet and exercise, I know any changes could actually disrupt my relationship, but I still feel insecure about how I look to DH, and also how I look with him. I honestly feel like people might look at us and think "wow, how on earth did she get him?" He's tall with great hair and a strong jaw, just a handsome middle-aged guy. I look dumpy. I put a lot of effort into my clothes and hair and makeup, but at the end of the day my body is just big, my face is a lot rounder than it used to be. I look heavy. I'm not at all the woman he married.

I'm in therapy, I know I have to work on this stuff. [b]I just see him drooling over certain actresses or models and I know what still turns him on[/b], and I don't think it's me. I know he loves me and thinks I'm a good person and a good mom. But I think the spark is dying and I kind of don't blame him.[/quote]

No shade on your husband because a lot of other guys are like this. But my husband has never talked about actresses, models, or what turns him on as it relates to other women. If I ask him he says sure he finds other women attractive. But I have to really dig. He just doesn’t seem to have it on his mind constantly. Whereas he is very expressive about the fact that I turn him on and that he finds me sexy. Being together for a long time and having kids hasn’t changed that. In fact he did not comment much about it when we were dating, but does now that we are married. Partly this is personality, he’s the kind of guy who thinks about what is in his face. Partly it’s character. He’s not obsessed with appearance.

Maybe something to think about in your relationship dynamic. I have never met a guy like your husband — one who commented a lot about the wife’s body while dating, and then a lot about other women and what he likes “in general” — who didn’t make his wife feel very insecure over time. Especially as a woman’s body and looks change so much. Someone who is really focused on appearances and has specific taste seems like they would press all your buttons, OP. Might be good to think less about him and more about you and how you FEEL about yourself.

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