Reply to How do you prepare for a lonely old age? And how to avoid being lonely when you're old?

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Reply to "How do you prepare for a lonely old age? And how to avoid being lonely when you're old?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP again.

I wish I had a closer bond with my remaining relatives in my hometown. As I mentioned before, they live a 6 to 7 hour drive away, except for some cousins who live overseas.

I visit my hometown about every 3 to 4 months and I always try and meet up with relatives and old friends there.
 
When I'm there I usually see my aunts and uncles and also an elderly cousin of my late father. She's 90 and she lives in a care home now. 
She lost her 93-year old husband to Covid last year and she couldn't live at home on her own anymore because she's frail and not very mobile. 
She and her late husband were childless and she's feeling very lonely now. They'd been married for 65 years.

I don't want to end up like her. I wish I had a closer bond with my cousins and their kids. My cousins are all younger than me and they never get in touch with me and my husband. If I don't reach out first I never from them.

It almost feels like my extended family have forgotten about me since my parents died 14 and 23 years ago. I'm always the one to initiate contact. Is this normal?

[/quote]

They probably don't get in touch with you because they are overwhelmed with life, their jobs, their adult kids and their lives. I can pretty much figure out who genuinely wants a friendship without major expectations and who is desperate for me to be one the casserole bringers if they become ill or to do them major favors. My sister was absorbed in her career for decades and rose up. She is divorced and realizes now she needs a support system so she showers people with unwanted gifts and suddenly wants to have warm relationship with family. When my brother and I briefly gave her a chance within a short period of time she has some MAJOR requests that made it clear all those years she was MIA she never made any close friends and now she needed this so why not use family.

Instead of focusing on all the people who don't have time for you, find the ones who do. Don't rule them out just because they are older than you or might move away or whatever. Stop trying as much with people who are not available.

Also, seriously start researching paid help. That way you can make sure you have caregivers and people to run errands and cook should you be ill and you can just enjoy forming friendships without major expectations.[/quote]

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