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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the quality of my empathy is different. Kids are new. They don't have perspective. If my kid is devastated about something seemingly trivial, I still have empathy because they are just figuring out how to handle stuff like disappointment, frustration, grief. I don't get impatient with those feelings because for them, that's a big deal and they are trying to figure out how to process it. We spend time talking about how we respond to things and what we can do to make hard things easier. I don't view the process of teaching my kids how to manage their emotions as separate from having empathy for them. I never just tell to get over something or that something is "no big deal", though I do sometimes explain that what feels like a big deal might be okay if we learn how to handle it.

With my DH, I have a lot of empathy for the reality of being an adult and a parent in this world we live in. Lots of empathy for feeling tired, for not always wanting to do his job or chores around the house or parenting. It come naturally because I feel that way too sometimes. But I have more limited empathy for him when he gets upset about something that I don't think matters. Like sometimes he will have these very strong reactions to something frustrating/disappointing in the news, or to inconveniences in our lives (like a neighbor being inconsiderate or the bad customer service) and I find myself not being able to listen to it for too long. It's like "yes, okay, I know this is annoying but it's also life and it's not going to change?"

Also, my kids are still very little and I think sometimes I have empathy fatigue after being with them, especially on one of those hard days where they are very disregulated and need a lot of support, and I don't always have a ton left for DH. That might seem unfair, I don't know. But again, they are new. They are just learning this stuff. I think on some level I think [b]"You are a grownup, you need to figure some of this out on your own -- I can't do for you what I do for them."[/b][/quote]

NP. I feel the exact opposite! With my kids I'm like "you have the best life ever, stop whining!" and with my husband I'm like "work sucks right now for you and I get it."[/quote]

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