Reply to the cost of working

Forum Index » Money and Finances

Reply to "the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For me part of the calculation was in opportunity costs.

I don’t view childcare while I’m working as a cost of MY job. It’s just a necessity and my partner and I both need it. What I resented was paying for childcare while I commuted, or the higher costs of house cleaning and food because my work’s hours made it hard for us to clean our own house or cook meals as often as I’d like. And then of course losing time with my child while I’m commuting made me frustrated.

I wound up leaving my WOH job when DC was a baby because those costs bothered me a lot and my employer was not interested in a PT or WFH arrangement that would have lowered those costs. I stayed home for about 6 months (on top of the mat leave I’d already taken), and then found a PT job working from home. I loved that I could just pay for childcare when I was working and when I wasn’t I could be with my kid— no commute, no work happy hours, not lunch at work, etc. And it also freed up time for taking care of the house, grocery shopping, and cooking. Plus, yes, i didn’t need to spend as much on clothes or dry cleaning or makeup because I was WFH.

Now my kid is older and I’m still WFH, though FT. I think I could go in person at this point without feeling like it was costing me so much— childcare for older kids is less expensive, it’s easier to meal prep and keep a house clean when your kids are older and don’t require such intensive care.

[b]So I think most of these costs fall heaviest on parents (and especially moms) of very young kids. We should have more working options for women in this position to WFH and go part time, without career penalties[/b]. It’s actually pretty insane what we ask of moms when you think about it. The idea you can have a baby and be expected to operate at work as though you don’t have a tiny creature requiring around the clock care is insane.[/quote]

I completely agree with this. Due to life circumstances I had my kids really close together (&lt;18 month gap) and the three years I spent trying to hold it down at a billable hour consulting job while pregnant, with a newborn and then a newborn + toddler, constantly sick and dangerously sleep deprived, while paying $4k/mo for daycare alone... I was not okay. My PCP started prescribing me psychoactive drugs that probably weren't technically indicated, out of concern for my and my children's physical safety. If at ANY POINT anyone in the consulting firm had sat me down and said, &quot;your job will still be here if you want to take some time off&quot;, I would have taken them up on it so fast. But I was absolutely terrified that once I got off the career ladder, the gap in the resume would lock me out of it forever. And I can't say that worry was unfounded, given all the articles coming out about the proliferation of automated resume screening software making it literally impossible for moms to get back in the workforce after taking more than 6 months away.[/quote]

PP here and first, I am so sorry you went through that. That’s basically how I felt returning from maternity leave and it was scary snd precipitating me quitting my job. I was terrified of the long term impact on my career and earnings and that’s why I went back pretty quickly PT, otherwise from a mental health standpoint I would have stayed home much longer.

I have a lot of respect for women who are able to return to work soon after their baby and carry on as though nothing has changed because I know it’s hard. Maybe some of them have help I didn’t have, or maybe they just have a personality that enables it. I had PPD and that was a huge factor for me. I really think if my work had just indicated in any way that it was okay to admit how much I was struggling and either take some unpaid leave or work a reduced schedule for a while (I think when babies turn 1 things change a lot and women have more capacity). But it was like they were already annoyed with me for taking my leave, and for needing some catch up time. I’d spend my whole day at work feeling like everyone was annoyed with me and I was bad at my job, and I’d come home and feel enormous guilt about being away from my baby all day.

It’s so common. There really should be better options, but people like us are expected to be grateful we get paid leave at all — complaining about the transition back to work afterwards is viewed by many as looking a gift horse in the mouth. Modern professional workplaces are not designed for women with kids, full stop.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics