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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My take is that this isn't just about the FB comment but the long standing treatment of your DW by her mother.  For whatever reason, your DW continues to have a relationship with her mother and I totally understand how difficult that is for you.  Since you're not giving your DW an ultimatum about her mother (which would be a DW-DW issue and not a MIL issue), the only thing you have to do is maintain civility.

[b]It sounds like you've been polite but that isn't enough for your MIL.  [/b]I understand that, too.  That's kind of the relationship I had with my ILs and they weren't crappy like your MIL has been. They were nice people but they had a different vision of what their relationship with their DIL would be than what I had.  No one was wrong, just differing expectations.  I was polite, saw them on a regular basis, participated in family events, etc.  But, that wasn't enough because I wasn't as 'close' to them as they wanted.  For a while, it caused a lot of problems in my relationship with my DH.

Your DW can't dictate how you feel about her mother.  You don't need to be warm and friendly to your MIL, you only need to be polite/civil.  If that's not enough for you MIL or if you struggle to be polite/civil, I suggest you and your DW work on this in counseling.  It really helped me and my DH to work through it and get him to the point that he stopped listening to his parents complaints about it and to be okay with what I was able/willing to give.  Hugs. [/quote]

I think the issue is that OP isn't being polite.  She's giving the MIL dirty looks and being unpleasant enough that the MIL and the wife are picking up on it.  [/quote]

I didn't get that OP was giving the MIL dirty looks or being unpleasant  (side eye doesn't count as being mean).  Albeit, her post is a little unclear.  But, the biggest issue is that she isn't wearing a happy face - which is unreasonable.  The only thing OP needs to be is civil.

[quote][i]MIL was over recently for dinner, and I’m telling you, I just can’t find it in my heart to be nice. I’m not mean, but I’m definitely colder than I ever was. I did catch myself even side-eying her a couple times, wanting to shake my head. This last visit upset MIL who cried to DW, and DW came to me angry that I can’t just put on a happy face. I just cant.[/i][/quote][/quote]

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