Reply to Men who try to use their feminism to get you to like them

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Glad I'm not the only one who is skewed out by this. We haven't decided what we're going to do about it. I've discussed with two other women in the office and we're all in agreement that he sucks, but he hasn't been here that long and we are still mostly remote so we want to tread carefully. As I mentioned, our manager has no idea whatsoever, but because of WFH it's hard to tell if this is because he's oblivious or because he just genuinely has not observed this behavior. It was mostly up to his peers on the team (including me) to onboard and get him up to speed, and this guy is mid-career so he doesn't get heavy-handed management in this role.

I do think his behavior is covering up latent misogyny. I've checked his Twitter and while there's still lots of the same ("look at me, I'm a feminist man, also BLM") he is also borderline gross with women on there. Nothing that crosses the line, but somewhat slavering comments/responses to a lot of prominent women about who great/hot they are, and how he can say that because he also respects "their minds". I just... wow.

Separate from what we're going to do about his behavior at work (which, since he's not anyone's supervisor and is new and doesn't dictate culture at all, is mostly just annoying at this point though of course that doesn't make it us okay with it), one thing I keep wondering about his his wife. I'd be kind of curious to meet her. I'm also married and I'd be so embarrassed if my husband acted like this anywhere. I'd be horrified about him talking about our sex life, and especially him discussing his opinions on body (however flattering) with total strangers. But I'd also just be legit embarrassed to hear him talking about his feminist cred like this because it's so cringe. I know my husband wouldn't do this, but just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable. I wonder if she's oblivious or if maybe she's also super cringe. It really could go either way.

I also kind of feel bad for his kid. He has a daughter (2 yrs old, I think) and I think some of this is him trying to be a "feminist dad" but his natural arrogance and just overall misunderstanding of appropriateness and boundaries does NOT bode well for her as she gets older. I can't decide if it's better or worse than having just a straight up misogynist as a dad (which is what I had/have). Probably better? But still not great.

Anyway, the main reason I posted this is that I had forgotten how awful he was while out on holiday and was recently reminded, and I just wanted to post a PSA somewhere. Men, don't do this! Real feminism does not involve making all your female coworkers deeply uncomfortable or discussing your wife's weight with strangers. Just donate some money to Planned Parenthood and don't vote for the GOP and try to listen more than you talk. Which is honestly good advice for everyone.[/quote]

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