Reply to Spouses from functional families vs dysfunctional families

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are statistics that the children of divorced families are more likely to be divorced, so yes dysfunction in that respect is “hereditary”.

Other than that I think it comes down to self awareness. If an adult knows their family is dysfunctional and sets good boundaries/does the work to avoid enmeshment I think they have as good a chance as successful marriage as anyone else, perhaps better because self awareness is very good for other relationship issues as well.[/quote]

As someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family - let me say that in my youth I completely disagreed and couldn't understand how dysfunction could be 'hereditary'.
Well, now in my 50s I think I can explain.  
It's not genetic per se, it's behaviors that we normalize to our children.  
If we treat our children or spouse poorly and it is a normal part of family relations to do so, the child grows up thinking this is perfectly acceptable behavior.
Children who grow up in conflict riddled households think conflict is normal.

As people we seek out what seems familiar to us.  And so people who grew up in dysfynctional households are drawn to similarly dysfunctional situations.  Because these circumstances are something they can relate to, something they are familiar with.  It's not a conscious decision to do so and that's why dysfunction perpetuates itself.

There is a lot more one can go into, but the short and quick of this 'hereditary' notion is that certain behaviors and dynamics are normalized in households and the offspring of such households carry this baggage unbeknownst with them wherever they go.
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