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[quote=Anonymous]
To those saying OP must go, take the kids and "support" her DH by doing so: How is it supportive for her to have to be distracted and giving her full attention to the toddlers? She won't be there for DH. She'll be there to look after two very young children who will not even remember the event at all.

To those who said kids need to see adults being sad etc. -- these are toddlers. They will not remember this. No life lessons for them to learn here because they are not yet able to process any of this.

Also, OP -- I would not go because there will surely be more going on than the funeral, right? Is this a family that is also going to insist everyone come to a lunch after the funeral, or a viewing the day before, or a gathering at so-and-so's home to remember FIL, or a wake or....? Every one of those would be another round of your focusing entirely on the children. Not to mention the omicron spread at events like that.

Someone came to bash at you about how you were just there, and why should this funeral trip be a problem if you were willing to make a two-week trip there anyway, etc. But if you were not seeing loads of relatives during that two-week stay, that's considerably different from going to a funeral and possibly other related events, where there could be many relatives and friends of FIL you weren't exposed to during your longer stay. That's what I'd tell DH and expect him to tell his family as well.

I hope your DH sees sense. He actually may be much freer to grieve and visit with family if you and the kids are not present, OP, but somehow he isn't realizing that.

Is his family the kind that would hold a grudge forever? If so, that's a larger and deeper issue you and he would have to work on. But in this pandemic it is not putting your unvaccinated children first if you take them.

Someone had the good idea of you and DH flying in and out on the same day if you can leave the kids at home, your home, with someone. That's the only way I'd do this. If your DH makes this a huge issue between you, he may be more invested in the family trait of ordering people to Be Present On Command than you realized, and again...that is a bigger issue he and you would need to address later. 
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