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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is this Multiple Sclerosis?

My mother has had MS nearly all her adult life. After relapses, she used to be particularly tired (but thankfully hasn't had one in years). However she would never want to disinvite her family for Christmas - it's just for 24hrs, is that correct, or for a longer visit? A long visit would not be in the cards after a relapse, but 24, she would come down for an hour on Christmas morning, then go back up in her room.

I'm sorry you are in this situation, OP. It's not easy being a partner of a permanently disabled person, it's actually damn difficult! Plus you're at your ILs for the foreseeable future and your SIL is annoying.

But I think an overnight and Christmas morning in the same house, but not necessarily together, might be beneficial - your SIL might see how handicapped her brother actually is, and understand a little better. My mother had an awful time with her sisters during the first years, when she had no firm diagnosis, because she was accused by her sisters of malingering and depending on my father's support... it was a really bad period in her life.

Best of luck to you and your husband going forward.

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It isn't MS.

If you were 10, and your mom said she was going to spend Christmas in her room, other than an hour, and not be there when you opened your presents, or for meals, or for other traditions, would you really have not felt hurt by that?  I'm having trouble feeling like that's a fair solution to my kids.

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PP you replied to. Well, at 10 I was just glad she was alive :-) Of course I would not have minded at all that she spent most of the Holiday in her room! I was always very aware of her state of health. I would have gone in there and quietly read a book next to her. But I was thinking that your husband could come down to watch your kids open presents. It doesn't need to be done when others are opening theirs. Just whenever he's ready, he comes down and your kids open their presents, and you and DH make all the right noises, and then he goes back up. And if your children are the quiet sort, like I was, then they can keep him company for a bit. If somebody else wants to make a big production out of everyone opening their presents at once, you smile and tell them that your husband feels well now but won't later and he wants to see his children open presents now. And you walk away. There is a trick to explaining just enough but not getting sucked into defensive mode.

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