Reply to DC upset about grandparent favoritism

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "DC upset about grandparent favoritism "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom very obviously favors her other grandchild over my child. The grandkids are the same age. They have one overlapping activity and then my DC dies an additional activity. DC is not competitive in either. Other grandchild is competitive in the overlapping activity they both do. My mom loves the activity they both do (all of her children did it growing up) but has zero interest in DC’s other activity. She fawns all over her other grandchild about how they are doing in that activity but barely even acknowledges that my DC does it too. She flat out refuses to come to any events for DC’s other activity.

Also, it’s just very obvious in the way she treats her grandchildren that she very much favors the other one. It bugs the crap out of me, but my mom is a narcissist and I definitely was not the golden child, so it’s not surprising. It seems as if my childhood is playing out again with the grandchildren. Honestly, it’s very triggering for me and I’m exhausted after spending any time with all of together. My mom was in especially rare form over thanksgiving with her behavior. Having us all watch a video of other grandchild in their activity and giving us a play by play and then saying “isn’t Larlo just the best?” And showering them with praise and affection. I was upset by it but kept it to myself. I wasn’t even sure my DC noticed at the time how blatant it was.

Well, DC is apparently now old enough to catch on to the behavior. DC has obviously been stewing on this unbeknownst to me and just completely broke down over it. Sobbing, asking why grandma doesn’t like them as much as their cousin, why grandma doesn’t every come to their activities but goes to cousin’s etc.

None of what DC has observed is untrue and I fully understand why they feel the way they do. Definitely takes me back to my childhood. I’m not sure how to navigate this… I don’t want to dismiss their feelings but also don’t want to make things worse. Thoughts?[/quote]

This is the opportunity to teach your DC that you dont need to maintain relationships with people that treat you poorly. Thats the conversation. Not friends, not family, not cousins, not romantic partners. You can absolutely say that it is okay to love someone from a distance if they hurt you. You dont have to sacrifice your self and psyche on the altar of love and/or family. Love- and family- is an active word not passive. If he/she has a good relationship with the other grandparents then the expectation is thats what those relationships are like. He/she can tell that the grandma is capable of it because she sees it being given to the other grandkid.

Stick up for your kid. Let grandma know it isnt acceptable. Figure out a way to make her mindful of the imbalance and remind her that you arent asking for fair/equal but that time spent with DC should not be spent talking about her other grandchildren. Ask DC wants she wants and how her relationship with your mother makes her feel. Ask her what you think you all should do - make it collaborative.

This is an opportunity to break that cycle.

[/quote]

Do you suggest a sit down talk with my mom or just waiting till certain instances happen where she shows favoritism and calling her out in it then, in the moment? I kind of feel like the latter would be better?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics