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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is your mother able to talk with all of you and let your brothers know what SHE wants and that she decided to give you POA?  It might be better coming from her than you, if she's able.  Then as part of that discussion, you can tell your brothers that the house and car need to be sold to pay for her care.  Would they make a stink about it if your mother was part of the conversation?

Also, make sure her will and any other estate planning documents are up to date.  [/quote]

No, no, no, no, to making the elderly mother go through this. Mom has already signed over the POA. If she was able to have this conversation she already would have had it. Totally unfair to her to make her do this.[/quote]

OP here. It finally started getting ugly last night in text convo with one of my brothers. He was asking me stupid questions about moms future care and cost which I’ve gone over a 100xs already.  They both think mom has dementia and doesn’t know what she wants.  :shock:  I had her rehab case manager call him and he thinks she’s in cahoots with the AL.  I said dad would be very heartbroken with the way they are squabbling about his money for the care of his wife. He said dad was practical and would be proud of them.  He tells me he could bring her back home with a full time caregiver and he will stay the night there as well.  I said her house is not conducive and would need 20k in updates to make it safe and Again I reminded him it’s 18k a month for full time care. It will be 13k at her AL with private care  plus she will have the socialization and friendships. At home she’s isolated, sedentary and will  go back to chain smoking.   I told him her last fall wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been because her AL has rubber floors.  He went on and on that it was because of me that she wants to go back to her “ritzy” AL and because I’m impractical with my Louis Vuitton and overspend etc. I literally spent $2200 furnishing her AL apt plus I designed and made her window treatments watching DIY videos. I’m the master of design on the cheap and he knows this.  He then started with his delusional conspiracy theories with real estate only going up and cash will be soon worthless and cryptocurrency is the only way. I said I’ll ask her AL and private care if they’ll take Bitcoin.

We ended with this, “ok we’ll do it your way for now but moving forward you will not be the only one making all moms decisions”.  I finally had to tell him, “actually as moms POA I will be making all the decisions per her requests and if the day comes when she can no longer make her own decisions I will make them for her”.  He said, “oh so now you’re in charge ?👍🏼“

My husband says it is now detrimental for my mom to tell both sons in person that this is what she wants and that I am her POA and they both will have to abide.  Ugh I didn’t want to stress my mom out but my husband thinks it’s the only way and she’s a tough cookie and will be fine. [/quote]

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